everything's gotta burn to get back to its purest state;

all the best has yet to be laid to waste

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[rl] get your own bed spike >:(
here i dreamt i was an architect
intuitivelyapt
[It's 4 am. Sylar is sleeping. Because that's usually what normal people do at 4 am. He's dreaming about ice caves ... ]

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[god damn it why does sylar ... have a conscience X( he sits up again.] Okay, okay. What's wrong?

I talked to Buffy. Told her.. what happened.

She said I hadn't changed, that I was still. A Bad Guy. That's what I get for tryin' to do right by her. Always has been. [shakes his head.] But it still stings.

[He pinches the bridge of his nose and heaves a sigh. Kind and considerate words at 4 am are really hard.]

That's what they do. That's why not slipping up is so important. Every. Single. Inch is a mile to them. The motives don't matter. None of it does. It doesn't matter how much they say that they love you or care or want to be your fucking friend. What they want is for you to fail.

[He nods, sitting back down on the bed.]

No, I know you're right and all. Just been.. keepin' me up.

I thought this was when you're supposed to be awake.

[shrugs] Learned a long time ago to keep opposite hours. [and this look says, That so isn't the point.]

Look, [He makes a dismissive hand-waving gesture,] I know as much as you do about the whole thing. I don't know what to tell you. It's ironic, isn't it? You let her kill you, you die a villain. You hurt her and survive, you live as a villain. Your past pulls you down. Can't escape it, can't outrun it.

Makes you wonder what the point of it all is.

It does, at that. [He's quiet for a long moment as he stretches out to lay down on the bed, lacing his fingers over his stomach.]

Buffy believed in me once. I'll win her back. Somehow. Maybe without killing myself, even.

[He lies back down too, making them ... girls in the parent trap or something idek.]

Well, don't lock her in a hotel room.

..I take it that suggestion comes with a story.

I'm pretty sure it's a story I've already told you. I locked Claire in a hotel room, cracked out the pinot, proposed ... didn't quite go the way I was hoping.

Ah, yeah. That old song and dance. Well, I'll keep that in mind then.

What have have you tried? Besides the soul thing.

It's complicated, right? 'Cause this Buffy isn't from my time and all. My Buffy, I saved her life, took care of her sister, did plenty of awful things too, but I helped her save the world. She trusted me.

Haven't done anything for this Slayer and now her friend's in the hospital because of me. Not like I deserve anything more than what I got. Should be grateful I'm alive, I guess. But that one's gettin' tired.

[He turns on his side to better look at Spike.]

So forget this Buffy. She's just ... some person on the internet. Whatever. What's stopping you from getting the other one?

I haven't talked to her in.. years, mate. I didn't even tell her when I came back from the dead. Sure Andrew told her, but still, I made the decision to keep our lives separate and, it seemed like a good idea then. Hell, it probably was. Just, seeing this Buffy, and not being able to have her--

Can't do that either, she might need my help. Just gotta put on my big girl pants and get over myself, I know.

Let's look at the statistics. How many times has Buffy -- this Buffy -- ever shot you a text asking for help?

And do you think that's about to change any time soon?

[He shoots Sylar a look, lacing his hands behind his head.] Do me a favor, eh? Don't lecture. It doesn't suit you.

[He ignores Spike's look in favor of rolling his eyes.] Wasn't lecturing. Just trying to be helpful. If you're gonna crawl into my bed at 4 am to complain about Buffy, I figure I should at least say something.

It sounds ridiculous when you say it like that. [He sounds a lot like a kicked puppy rn.]

..Can't turn my back on her. That's not a choice.

[SPIKE ;_; ]

Why do we do it? Why do we give so much of ourselves to people who never really cared in the first place? How can we not turn our backs on them when they were never facing us to begin with? [he's getting s-so emotional right now.] It's pathetic.

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